We have a new table.

It is amazing. Astounding in fact.

Our old table seated 4. Comfortably would be the wrong word. Uncomfortably and unstably would be more apt.

The new table is more than twice the size of the old table. Solid as a rock (well, not really, solid as pine, but more solid than uncomfo-table - see what I did there?? Uncomfortable - uncomfo "table"… yeah yeah fine. I thought it was funny).

I was more than a little surprised when old mate turned up to deliver the table and was alone.

Um. Yes. You heard me. Well, you read me technically, but if you are like me, when you read you read in a "voice" and usually if you have been reading the same person's writing for some time they have developed their own particular voice and accent and inflections. Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes. The table. Alone. It is a big bloody table. And he was alone. Apparently they were short staffed.

So I said to him that I could help a little, but not if it was really really heavy. I mean after all, I'm no removalist. He said thanks and huffed off out to his truck. I attempted to get the kids to all sit on a sofa or chair. That failed somewhat. But they sort of stayed out of the road.

I looked out the screen door to see old mate attempting to do something or other and swearing. He was not a happy chappy. Firstly because he was alone. Secondly because in many instances when delivering furniture there is a male there to assist if need be. Thirdly because I have six steps up to the house. Fourthly because the door is quite a tight fit and a far from ideal angle into the lounge. And fifthly he had an audience of three avid little watchers.

Now I watched as he got the table out of the truck, down on the little hoisty thing at the back and onto the trolley. And I watched him wheel it up to the base of the stairs. Then I watched him slowly pull the trolley up the stairs, one at a time, with much expulsion of air on his part in a somewhat vocal manner, until the trolley finally reached the top, with him all but pinned against the veranda fencing.

When he spoke saying "I can't even see where the leg is" I told him that it wasn't going to make it. I felt oh so helpful right about then. His audible groan made me think that perhaps I should have been a little more optimistic in my reply, so I took that on board.

And as I watched him manoeuvre this massive table on a trolley, slowly jimmy it back and forth, I was sure it was going to get stuck there. And remain there. Complete with old mate stuck too.

It did not. And as it miraculously made its way into my house I told him he was a genius. Perhaps an overstatement, but it made him smile for a nanosecond.

He then proceeded to bring the table into the house and pop it where it was supposed to go.

And as he walked out the door to get the chairs Miss 5 said "What does he look like when he's happy?"

Oh. Joy.

I just prayed he would hurry up and bring the chairs in before they said anything else. He did. They didn't. I thanked him profusely. He grumbled something. And then he was off.

And there was the table. In all its glory. It is fabulous. I just love it. What is the best part about it is that there were only two from which to choose. I opted for this one because it was just wood. No upholstery. Much safer bet with kiddies.

And it is beautiful. I just love it.

So we ate at the new table today. Twice. Lunch, then dinner.

And it made me realise. We have no placemats. And we have no coasters.

But we do have Ebay. I'll be off then…...