Pure terror.

That is what I experienced today at 5.14pm.

That was the time I entered my son's daycare room to pick him up following my day at work, and his day at daycare.

I signed the book, as I always do. I had already picked up Miss 4 from the kinder room so she had started roaming around looking for her brother, as she does.

So I called for him.

Nothing.

I didn't think anything of it, he was probably outside.

He was not outside.

I asked a staff member if they had seen him. They had not.

And then I came inside. And asked another staff member.

And after three minutes I started to become scared. Not afraid. Not merely worried. I became quite literally terrified.

The thoughts that ran through my head were awful. I was imagining he had fallen and hit his head somewhere and was laying unconscious. I was imagining he had got into something he shouldn't have and hurt himself terribly.

I was imagining he had run outside while the door was open to let someone else out.

And the lump in my chest and throat grew larger by the second.

A staff member assured me she had seen him not 4 minutes earlier, a minute before I had arrived, playing the drums. I believed that without a doubt.

But he was still nowhere to be found.

And so we were all calling out for him, searching frantically, and I was struggling to hold myself together because my baby was missing.

The staff members were affected too. Not quite as badly as myself, but they were quite obviously stunned that he could, for all intents and purposes, have disappeared.

I was on the verge of an immense panic attack when I saw him fall, ungraciously, from the shelf of a back turned bookcase, complete with cheeky grin.

I scooped him up and just held him tight, whispering in his ear to please never do that again because mummy was worried about him, telling him over and over that I just loved him so much, kissing the side of his little head, and holding him close.

He said "ok mum" and nestled in to my neck.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I recall the range of emotions I experienced today. And I would not wish any of them on anyone.

Hug your babies. Hug them tight. Because it takes but an instant and they could be gone.

I'm just ever so thankful that it was cheekiness that was the reason, and not misfortune.

Maybe there is a lesson in it. Days often become routine. The same things, the same conversations, the same everything. Kids, while thriving on routine, also often become bored.

Come hell or high water I will find the lesson. Because something that caused me that much pain in such a short space of time can not leave no trace once gone.

Actually, I think I may have worked it out…...

Break your routine. Before your routine breaks you.

Tonight I feel as though I am the luckiest person alive.

That, for now, is all.