is always the hardest. Not for any reason other than there is a mental mindset attached to it. This is it. You are home with your children and will be for weeks.
Weeks.
There is an element of terror to it also. Granted I have 3 1/2 weeks off work, which is fabulous, but it isn't as though I'm going to have a relaxing holiday now is it…..?
Be that as it may, I wanted to have a full day today, so that's what we did.
We started with a sleep in. Thank. God. For. That. Well, they didn't really sleep in that much. But I slothed in bed after they had got up because I could. Simple truth.
I did eventually get up, and didn't have a coffee, nor did I have anything to eat, because weeks and weeks ago I went to the doctor and he ordered some blood tests and these tests needed to be done fasting.
Have you any idea how difficult it is to not have a cup of coffee when you have three children who fail in the sleep area? It is weeks difficult. And then some.
But today I thought I just have to do it because if I don't then I won't and then there you go. I won't have any results. Because I won't have done the tests.
Anyway, I didn't eat, I didn't drink, and we headed out to the blood collection place after Play School finished. 10am. Yes. Still no coffee.
We got into the collection room and I sat down in the padded chair, the kids roamed, I said "Just sit down over there please" and they all did.
The phlebotomist was astounded. And when another staff member came through the door and I said "Careful, there are children behind there" the first lady recounted the story of the kids all sitting down. Then the second one engaged in some small talk etc and then said "So is mummy going to give you some nice presents for Christmas?"
Seriously.
"Noooo, SANTA is."
Cue nervous breakdown from staff member. And ridiculously long talk engaging with the kids to make up for the stupidity previously displayed.
Blood test midway, phone rings. My phone. In my bag. She says "Do you need to get that?" And I said "Um, no." I have a needle in my vein sucking my blood out. I can't exactly reach for the phone now can I?
So we finished up there, I told the kids how proud of them I was, and then bundled them all back in the car.
It was hot again today. I had a brainwave of genius. Let's get a paddle pool.
So we headed off to Westfield and as we were just about to drive in I realised that sometimes I can be smart and sometimes I can be stupid. Today fell somewhat more in column B. It is 5 days before Christmas.
Then I thought I would use this to my advantage. So in we went and I thought yes, I can do it, I can get the Santa photo done too. So we chugged along and ended up right outside Santa's chair.
"So let's get a photo with Santa."
"No."
Great. Start.
"Come on, it'll be great! We missed out last year" (*don't ask, truly, just don't) "so it would be great to get one this year.
"We had a photo with Santa yesterday."
"That was at daycare, and it wasn't everyone."
"It was still a photo with Santa."
I was not going to win. I didn't even try to push it. You just have to pick your battles.
So we grabbed some food (rubbish food, care factor slightly close to zero because I know they eat well "most" of the time), the kids were brilliantly behaved, and I felt pretty chuffed.
So after they finished we had a roam around the store and didn't find what we wanted so opted to head to the hardware store. As you do.
And so genius heads towards Highpoint. I remind you. 5 days before Christmas.
I must say though, it was far less busy at the hardware store than I thought it would be. Perhaps they were all over at Highpoint.
We entered the store. First thing I saw was a travel escalator thingy whatsit (that is the technical term for it). In a hardware store. A two storey hardware store. Crikey me.
Second thing I saw was an inflatable pool. For under $50. Gold. Sheer. Gold.
Note to self: Inflatable items require a pump. Refer to this point later.
So we kept on looking around the store, up stairs and down, outside and in, and had a lovely old time, then bought the pool, and a hose. Well, we had to get the hose first. Miss 5 got it off the shelf. Miss 4 wanted to hold it.
"Muuuuuuuum! She's not sharing."
"It's a hose."
"But she's not shaaaaaring it."
"It's. A. Hose."
A hose. They are fighting over a hose.
So we go to pay, go to auto checkout and Miss 5 keenly begins scanning the hose. Repeatedly. Such that we have to seek assistance to remove the exuberantly scanned items from the list.
And then Master 3 wants to scan the pool.
"I can do it by myself!"
"It's very heavy you know."
"But I'm big and strong!!!!"
"I know you are baby, but it is veeeery heavy."
*grunt* *struggle* *grunt*
"Mum, I need some help please."
Awww. But he did give it a red hot go.
So hose and pool purchased, we get back to the car, and the request for Christmas carols comes. So I whack the Youtube on the phone and Christmas carols filled the air. Joy.
Miss 5 made an observation. "There are lots of fake Santas."
I corrected that there are not "fake" Santas, but there are lots of helpers for Santa.
Miss 5 then stated that the fake Santas are everywhere, but the real Santa lives at the north pole.
Miss 4 said "Can we go to the north pole?"
I explained to her that it was a little bit far.
Her comment? "Well, we can sleep in the car." Yes. Yes you can. But we can't exactly drive there.
We stopped on the way at our obligatory babycino store. Miss 5 is usually not present at these outings being that it is a Friday that they occur and she is usually at school, but today she was. We got to the counter at the cafe and she turned to me, shoved her hand unceremoniously between her legs and said "I have to go to the toilet."
Now in the entire year we have been going to this place, we have never needed to find the toilets. So I had to ask. We found them. Over the other corner of the store. The enormous store. And as we were heading back someone shouted out "Did you want to decorate a gingerbread man?" Miss 5 saw and ran towards the balloons and sugar smell. The other two bolted in the other direction. I called to them, indicated that there was something fun, and they followed.
They all sat down and focused on their gingerbread men. And the woman came over and asked how the day was going. And I said to her "This is the quietest they have been all day. Thank you." And she laughed, knowingly. That woman has children. You mark my words.
And they finished decorating their little men, smiled and waved and said thank you and we headed back to the cafe, I got my coffee, they got their babycinos and we sat down and they ate their gingerbread men.
We headed home.
As soon as we were through the door the kids were naked. Just like that.
"Where's my bathers??????"
"I haven't even got the pool set up yet."
So I denuded all the kids then set to the pool. We have a pump that we got with a lilo. It didn't fit the pool. I started blowing the pool up. I started getting dizzy. I told the kids we would have to wait and opted to attach the hose to the tap and squirt them so at least they got wet.
Good lord. What the HELL was I thinking?
Miss 5 had goggles on, in anticipation of showing me how she can put her face in the water. No pool, no face in water. Goggles remained on.
Miss 4 wanted goggles on because she didn't want the water to get in her face. I explained that Miss 5 had the goggles on in anticipation of the pool, and then asked Miss 5 to remove said goggles because they weren't really necessary.
Master 3 ran up the back end of the yard because he didn't want to get wet, even though he was in his bathers and ready to jump into the pool, if it had ever got set up, which of course it didn't.
And Miss 4 was sitting in a heap beside the garage howling because the water was going in her eyes.
Give. Me. Strength.
So I turned the hose off to tell Miss 4 she could either cut the howling and go inside or stop it and start enjoying the water as the others were, at which time Miss 5 started screaming because she was cold with the water on her and the air around her and promptly burst into tears which then made Master 3 burst into tears.
And I had three hysterical children dressed in bathers in my back yard.
Fabulous.
I got them all inside. Eventually. I got them all dried. Eventually. I looked in the fridge and saw a bottle of gin. And wanted it. Didn't have it. Wanted it. All. Right then.
Non-parents just don't understand. Neither do parents who are absent (*mutters under breath*).
There is so much more I could say, but I think I have rabbited on long enough. To give you an indication of the rest of the day, when Master 3 brought the sauce to the table at dinner time and I asked him if he had shut the fridge the response was "I've only got two hands!"
Ah yes. Children. *mutter mutter*
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