1.20am

And she has just gone to sleep.

Finally.

I have told you before, there is a list a mile long of those things that they don't tell you.

This is one of them.

You put the child to bed at 8pm and they go to sleep.

And then they wake up at 9pm. and 9.03pm. And 9.06pm. And they keep on waking up.

And the first time they will want water.

The second time they will want their blanket on.

The third time they will want more water.

And so it goes.

And then there are the nights, like tonight, where they wake up because they hurt.

And you hear the groan and you just will them to stop.

And they don't.

That groan continues. But still you hope.

But hope gives you nothing.

You can try Panadol but then again they may not be in the mood to take it. So you need to then justify the need for the Panadol for the next 15 minutes. Until they finally do take it.

And whilst that seems so simple, it is now 1.24am and I have only just managed to get Miss 4 to take the Panadol.

And it is times like this that writing expresses so very little. It doesn't show the tears that are streaming down my face right now because I am so bloody tired and so awake at the same time. The fact that I know that even when I do go to bed I'm not going to get any sleep. And the fact that I will wake up tomorrow and drop the younger two off at school and have Miss 5 for the day because school is finished but really can't afford to actually "do" anything with her.

That is if I can actually drop Miss 4 off. Because, well, I just don't know now.

This time of the night/morning is probably the worst.

In all regards.

Because you are tired. You are emotional. And you say things you just otherwise wouldn't say. Because it is late and you are awake and who really cares anyway?

Nobody.

That's who.

I have me. And I have my babies. And they are all that matter.

And they are the only people on whom I can rely.

Ever.

You just can't trust anyone. People lie. People use you. People are insincere. And people will do whatever they can for themselves. At the cost of others.

I don't have the time or the energy for that.

It's 1.30am. I am tired. And I can't sleep.

Aside from Miss 4 not sleeping I'm also thinking.

People I thought were true friends aren't.

Things I thought were fact are not.

I should have listened to myself. You cannot trust anyone. Ever.

So they shall be today's words of wisdom.

Never. Trust. Anyone.

Cynical? Yes. Necessary? I think so.

I challenge anyone to show me otherwise.