Food

Seems pretty straight forward. You buy it. You cook it. You eat it.

Yes. Easy.

Enter kids, stage left. Your life will never be the same again. Ever. Who could have thought that a simple cheese sandwich could signal the end of the world. Or that giving a child one more carrot stick than the other could prompt a scene worthy of an Oscar.

Conversation before dinner tonight.

Miss 4: "What's for dinner?"

Me: "Scrambled eggs". This could be substituted with anything. It could be spag bol, toasted sandwiches, roast lamb with all the trimmings, chicken vol au vents or peking duck and the response would be the same.

Miss 4: "I don't like that."

Me: "Yes you do."

Miss 4: "No I don't."

Me: "You liked it last week."

Miss 4: "I don't liiiiiiiike it."

Me: "Well that's a shame, because that's what we're having."

Miss 4: *grumble*

Fast forward to the table.

Master 2: "But I wanted the BLUE plate."

Me: "Well you have the green plate. You can have the blue plate tomorrow."

Miss 4: "Why does she get the pink fork? I wanted the pink fork!"

Me: "Well you use the pink fork and I'll give her the green fork."

Miss 4: "But I wanted to sit in that chair."

Me: "Well, it's your turn to pick your seat tomorrow, so if you want to sit there tomorrow you can."

Miss 5: *shovels food into her mouth as though she hasn't been fed for a month*

Me: "Slow down, it isn't a race." (oh good lord that was my mother's voice)

Master 2: "Muuuuuuum, she's eating like an animal."

Me: "Yes, she is isn't she? Use your fork, not your fingers, and try to put less food in your mouth at once. And swallow it before you put more in" *sigh*

Miss 4: "Where's the cauliflower?? That's my favourite."

Me: "Right there, in front of you, it looks like, well, cauliflower."

Miss 4: *laughs* "It's right THERE!! Silly me."

Me: "Yes, silly you!"

Master 2: "Muuuuuum. Can we please have dessert?"

Me: "You haven't even finished your dinner yet."

Miss 4: "Well if we DO finish our dinner can we please have dessert?"

Me: "I'll think about it"

Miss 5: "Yay!!!!!! You're the best mummy in the world!! I love you when you give us dessert."

Master 2: "Feed me."

Me: "You're big enough to feed yourself!"

Master 2: "But I want you to heeeeeelp me."

Me: "No, I'm feeding myself."

Master 2: "But I want you to HEEEEELP me!"

Me: *sigh* "No."

Miss 4: "Muuuuuuum"

Me: "Yes?"

Miss 4: "You're allergic to chocolate aren't you?"

Me: "Yes."

Miss 5: "Do you know, I know how to spell hot. H O T."

Me: "Very good!"

Miss 4: "H O T. Hot."

Me: "Very good!"

Miss 5: "I can spell hot dog too."

Me: "Excellent!"

Master 2: "Muuuuuum? Are we going to school tomorrow?"

And so it continues. On. And on. And on. Sometimes conversations can be solely about the dinner itself. On repeat. Other times we may discuss matters of immense importance and urgency, such as who gets to get out of the bath first. Or who is getting the mail tomorrow. There are simply no limits to our dinner time conversation.

And half an hour later, when the girls have finished, Master 2 is still sitting at the table, savouring every bite. Because he is the slowest eater in the entire world. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Perhaps he is analysing the ingredients, working out how he would have done it differently. I go for another theory. Stalling. So he can stay up later. Which is quite ridiculous as he sits there yawning between bites. But he's 2. That's what they do. They push the boundaries. However possible. And he is very 2. Very 2 indeed. Push push push *laughs hysterically and watches mother rip her hair out* push push push *laughs maniacally as he runs past sisters and pushes them for no reason* push push push *runs into the room and screams for no good reason then laughs and runs out*. Having a 2 year old boy is an experience like no other.

But at least, as a general rule, I have good eaters. There are very few things that my children won't eat. Red capsicum is one. Mushrooms another. Everything else is pretty well good. Except when it isn't. And you just never can tell when that will be.

Funny thing is though, when they realise I'm serious when I say there is no other option, they'll eat it. Heaven forbid they go without one meal....

And they did get dessert. Because they all finished their dinner.

And because of that decision, the table is now covered in a thin film of melted lemonade icypole.

Note to self - when you have three children, never ever say "that table will be fine without a wipe" because inevitably it won't be. And you'll stick to it as soon as you touch it. And yes, I did. And I also realised that one should wipe down the seat before sitting on it if the last occupant of said seat was a 2 year old with a lemonade icypole that he tried to make last as long as humanly possible.

I had a point when I started this. It's gone. That happens quite a lot. You'll get used to it.

What was I saying? Oh, there's the washing machine beeping.

I'm very easily distracted.

Can't imagine why my kids change conversation so much...... I must make lunch for tomorrow..... oh there's the washing machine again.......

Wonder what that point was........?